Our aircraft carrier was not headed to North Korea. It was delivering Ivanka Trump merchandise to China!

By Tom Toles

In a breakthrough trade agreement, Trump agreed that China is no longer a currency manipulator in exchange for China opening its markets to Ivanka Trump merchandise. 

China will also grant trademark rights to Ivanka Trump in exchange for the opportunity to actually manufacture all of her merchandise and then sell it back to the United States at variable discount rates denominated in renminbi.
In addition, China also agreed to help persuade the recalcitrant hermit kingdom of Kim Jong Un to open the North Korean market to Ivanka Trump goods. 

It was agreed that the high-stepping military parades would look less menacing if the soldiers all sported high-end Ivanka Trump shoes, and failed missile tests would come across better if loaded with Ivanka Emoluments Perfume.
Trump has not given up on America First, though, and not only will he build his wall, but also he will have it built in Florida to protect his Palm Beach executive mansion and corporate headquarters from the sea-level rise caused by his Trump Coal and Toxic Gas line of unregulated fossil-fuel products.
The fossil-friendly courtiers at his other Trump palace, in Washington, will reward him for his favors by crowning him Emperor Donald the First and granting him new powers vested in him by the Trump Advisory Council (formerly Congress) and upheld by the Trump-appointed Supreme Courtiers. 

This will allow Trump to finally repeal Obamacare and replace it with delicious Trump-brand Let-Them-Eat-Cake Care.
He described it as the most beautiful chocolate cake you have ever seen.